


How To: Light A Fart On Fire

by kingdra (aroceu)



Series: Dancefloor [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: Camping, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-23 14:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6119533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroceu/pseuds/kingdra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>request: "craig's gang goes camping"</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To: Light A Fart On Fire

**Author's Note:**

> the title has nothing to do with the rest of this

"A-ah! Shit! I-I can't do this!"  
  
"Okay," said Craig, looking around. "Who was the idiot who gave Tweek the matches?"  
  
Neither Token nor Clyde spoke up.  
  
Craig sighed and said, "Gimme that," to Tweek, and proceeded to snatch the matches away from him. He lit the fire and then threw the used match into it.  
  
Tweek flinched.  
  
"So what are we doing here again?" said Token, as Clyde struggled to set up the tents. Craig didn't think he'd figure them out.  
  
"To catch that animal thing," said Craig. "Remember? The one that Cartman and those guys mentioned in school today."  
  
"Oh, right," said Clyde. "But why do _we_ have to catch it? Why can't we let someone else catch it?"  
  
"Because that someone else will be them, and just--Clyde you are absolutely useless." Clyde had spent the past ten minutes working with the tents and hadn't even gotten a single one up yet. Craig snatched that away from him and set the tents up, too.  
  
When he was done, the guys helped him drag their sleeping bags into their respective tents. Craig was sharing with Token and Tweek was sharing with Clyde.  
  
"Aw, man," said Clyde. "I'm not getting any sleep tonight."  
  
"Y-You don't have to worry, C-Clyde!" said Tweek. "I sl-sleep like a log!"  
  
Token sniggered and muttered, "Yeah right," to Craig. Craig couldn't even help cracking a smile.  
  
They waited all night for the-- _thing_ that Cartman had mentioned earlier, but didn't even hear a single tree branch snap. Some crickets, maybe.  
  
"You know what we should do?" said Clyde as they roasted marshmallows Tweek had brought over the campfire. "We should sing a song."  
  
"Clyde, don't--" Craig started.  
  
" _Kumbayah my Lord, Kumbayah_ \--"  
  
"Clyde, I don't think that's a good idea," said Token.  
  
"What?" said Clyde. "I have a great singing voice, don't I?"  
  
"Sure," said Craig, "but you could attract the--"  
  
A tree branch snapped.  
  
"Shit," Craig whispered. "Bears."  
  
"Oh Jesus! Oh, no," said Tweek, gnawing at his fingernails. "I can't do bears! I can't deal with bears! I'm allergic to them! Well mostly I'm allergic to being scared, but--"  
  
"Take shelter in the tents!" said Craig, and then dove toward the tent that he was supposed to occupy later tonight.  
  
The thing was, the other guys had decided just to follow him and now all four of them were cramped in the tent.  
  
"Shit--Clyde, get your foot out of my face!" said Craig.  
  
"Sorry," said Clyde, but the foot didn't move.  
  
Craig hit it.  
  
"Ow!" said Tweek, and then all of them shushed him. "Sorry," Tweek said in a strained whisper, and then moved his foot, which knocked into Token's head. Token said, " _Tweek_ ," and Tweek whispered, "Sorry!" again and tried to move his body once more, but somehow they all got tangled and Craig was on the floor with his shin up at an awkward angle and his entire body feeling like it was being dug into the ground with seven pianos on his back.  
  
"I fucking hate you all," he said.  
  
It didn't help when later they found that the bear had just been Cartman trying to scare them but ended up with ten bee stings, instead.


End file.
